oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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