if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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