I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
