You made me cry and you don't even care
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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