I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
