I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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