Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
