Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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