i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I said "one day" and that day is not today
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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