I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
