I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize