This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
vagina is talking i cant
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
