There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
