I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
