I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
