it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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