Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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