I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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