no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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