If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
