I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
