Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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