Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
