Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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