i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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