he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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