I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i now understand why vodka
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
