I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize