I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
