I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
