Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
