ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize