I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Barsexuality is the new black.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
