i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
