You just made me feel so damn special
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
