you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
