Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
