Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
