It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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