i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize