1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
