You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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