I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
