I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
