I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize