cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
