The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
