I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
