those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
