Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
