So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
