okay pat passed out under dana's car
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she told me i tasted like america
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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