He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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