The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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