You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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