So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
