Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Randomize
