she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
