So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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