last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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