If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just had sex on a roof
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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