Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
