I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
