Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
