I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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