Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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