4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
this is an emotional support booty call
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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