Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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