all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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